How can such tiny fingers be so very pudgy? Lovely moments of admiring pudgy fingers turn quickly to thoughts of berating ourselves for the too-long fingernails on those little hands that we should have clipped yesterday.
Motherhood is about consolidating the conflicting.
I am not just a mother, but a wife, and a woman. Just one of those roles is a full-time pursuit, but trying to be perfect at all three becomes impossible juggling act and something gets dropped routinely. When we are doing our best in one area we are often doing our worst in another. When I do manage to take care of myself by exercising I feel motherly guilt about my little boy begging at my feet to play with him instead, and when I am playing with Wallaby I am worrying about the messy kitchen I should clean, and when I am cleaning I am thinking about my husband whom I have yet to ask about his day.
My poor husband often gets the very last of my attention. Being the husband of a mother with little kids must be an often frustrating pursuit, for when there is a young child who physically needs so much attention the adult who can fend for themselves gets their needs repeatedly over-looked. Not to mention the touch limit that I never knew existed before a baby. By the time noon rolls around I have been climbed and pulled and simply touched so much that I am dying for some personal space and that often effects The Grizzly Kid who comes home from a long day at work and I forget to give him a hug and a kiss. (I love this post about that.)
As mothers we believe we should be able to do it all! but instead we are left just doing our best to consolidate all of the conflicting things that are to be done. Motherhood is about dance parties and discipline. Making pillow forts and keeping beds made. Keeping your family healthy while still enjoying dessert. Going on family adventures and keeping our families safe. We expect ourselves to raise exceptionally well-behaved children, but still want to be the fun mom. Motherhood is about carrying the weight of our precious world on our shoulders. The good memories always outlive the rough days from the trenches of motherhood and I believe that there is more joy to be found in motherhood than anywhere else in this world.
So the unessential and the picture perfect way of life gets left behind, but our kids still love us despite dropping their birthday cake and coercing them to clean their rooms. We do our best and it is enough. That is my motto for this year. I do my best and I am enough. I know that from our distorted perspectives we may not appear to be as “much” as someone else, but I am my son and husband’s center and their love and and the unconditional love of God lets me know that I truly am enough.